Wednesday, December 18, 2002

laurie and i went to henry and jack's school yesterday. jack acted like he always does when we bring him to school. he just jumped in without even a "goodbye" to mom and dad. then laurie and i visited henry's classroom. his desk has his name on it and all of his stuff still inside. it is very lonely. the school is going to ceremoniously remove the desk after the first 30 day mourning period to give the kids closure. inside henry's desk was a drawing that he made for bella. he had written her name and his.

on henry's birthday, his present was to go to the patagonia store in georgetown and pick out some things to keep him warm. henry just loved the hat, vest and coat he picked out and wore them all the time. i mean all the time. i even bought him long underwear and he took to wearing the top and bottoms as clothes. every day. from his birthday in october to the time he went to the hospital in minnesota he was either naked or wearing the patagonia long underwear. for the last night of hannukah i bought him a new long underwear top with a zipper at REI. he kept asking me how come i had tops with zippers and he didn't. a hint, perhaps. laurie was staying at the hospital that night so i gave the top to her to give to henry. laurie said that henry was so excited when she gave it to him. he told her to touch the fabric because it was so soft. i was fortunate enough to see him in the top that next morning when he went into septic shock. they removed it just before he was intubated.

on henry's birthday he was in isolation at our house because his immune system was so suppressed. friends of nana pat decided they would hire a magician to entertain henry and jack. this was henry's birthday party. he was too busy having fun to feel sorry for himself that he couldn't have friends come over. i think the smiles speak for themselves.

tonight is the last night of shiva at our house. in silence tomorrow laurie and i will blow out the candle that has burned for 7 days. we then go for a walk around the block to mark our return to the community. around the block where henry rode his bike. around the block where henry first felt snow. around the block that carried us so many nights to max's ice cream. i am going to have to learn to walk without him.